Monthly Archive for December, 2003

way away

Published on December 29, 2003 in General. 10 Comments

i will not be updating for a while. why?

-no motivation
-my leg hurts, my back hurts
-spending more time playing video games
-work sucks
-tired of my routines
-dissapearing self-esteems
-looking for inspirations
-looking for a hot date
-duit habes
-the cat ate my homework
-i’m just tired
-frustrated
-leeds kalah lagi

despite all those reasons i’m doing all my best to come back with rejuvinated spirit, high on motivation, new layout, bla bla bla all those empty promises i love to give away. happy holidays don’t forget to listen to counting crow’s a long december all week long. tinggal 2 hari saja lagi

i’ll be back

selling yourself short

Published on December 19, 2003 in General. 13 Comments

“The Science of Selling Yourself Short”

I’ve come to my senses,
That I’ve become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
“Does anyone else feel like me?”
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,

I’ll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I’m the king of catastrophies,
I’m so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it’s fine by me,
I’m my own worst enemy

I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I’ve been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I’ve been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
“Does anyone else feel like me?”
I’m so over-dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy.

Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I’d make it anyway

the best way to express myself right now. the best song ever from Less Than Jake. go download the fuckin song. better go buy their album

two entries in one day, wow!

i’m depressed. there’s nowhere or noone i could go to…

dissappearing self esteem

Published on December 19, 2003 in General. 3 Comments

yeay dah bleh add entry guna IE!

a conversation that happen a couple of days ago…

xxxx: wehh
budakyangkelakar: aaa
xxxx: dah download winamp 5.0?
budakyangkelakar: blom
budakyangkelakar: aku tak suke winamp baru
budakyangkelakar: ngarut features dia
xxxx: boleh stream porn
budakyangkelakar: wow
budakyangkelakar: aku download sekarang

ok, tak laa best sangat

i’ve told that person i’m sorry. it only made things worse. feels like a nuclear warhead dropped on my face. backfired jugak. it’s so hard… i don’t know what else to do. now it makes me feel like what i’ve done is all wrong. from day one i’m like a burden to everyone. i think someone once wrote about suicide… how he would always think about it but never had the guts to commit. yeah i’ve always think of that. being better off dead, all those people who know you would cry the day you died and then the next day they would just forget about you and will be able to laugh again. what am i saying…

as for now i’m going to pretend nothing happens. just do whatever there is i could do. it’s so hard to work with other people when the relationship doesn’t work out. i must keep in my mind that i have a dream i would like to achieve. i’m not even going to try to work things out. hopefully in time all of this fucking mess will repair itself

supernothing

Published on December 18, 2003 in General. 6 Comments

ooh just fuck me up the ass and call me britney

i have a fucking great reason why i’m not updating for sooooo long. the fucking browser in my fucking pc in this office stopped me from updating. hehe… i thought it was something wrong with b2. aaarrrggghhh fuck that. i tried it on the other pc everything was ok. i dont know what the hell is wrong with IE in this machine

first thing first… thanks to those who came over to my place last friday night. the foam party was called off the last minute because it was raining and it would ruin the foam we were gonna use. we had makan? instead

i’m in the middle of a fucking crisis. somebody here suddenly seem to have doubt with my honesty and probably pissed with my attitude throughout the previous week. s/he confronted me and asked me whether there were any problems i would like to share. when i finally shared them, s/he started to fire all the things back at me. everything just fucking backfired. i’m pissed off. how come someone you look up to and build such a nice friendship with do that to you. everything is so cold right now between me and that person

ooh just kick my balls and call me justin

it was my fault to be such a jerk the whole of last week. my back hurt, my leg hurt, i dont know why. felt like a zombie the whole week. it’s not like i didn’t do all those work i was supposed to do. aarrgghhh! aku tarik muka skit je!!! you weren’t suppose to fire all those things back at me when i told you the fucking problems i have. it didn’t make things better, it didn’t change anything, not worth it at all

thank god i feel much better this week.having people to come over last friday somehow make things better eventhough i was dead tired, and you people finished off all the food!!! nasib baik sempat makan sikit lebih? tu

so now it’s time to mend all those fuck ups that happen. i’m not always right and probably this fucking mess, most of it came from me. shit happens. you can’t expect me to be happy and joyful all the time. emo jugak laa kan…

tak, bukan emopsychostar tu

sorry…

Published on December 12, 2003 in General. 12 Comments

why girls dig zack more than me…

Zek: start kol 8 kan?
budakyangkelakar: yeap
budakyangkelakar: dtg awal boleh gak
budakyangkelakar: tapi kene kerja aaa
Zek: orait
Zek: hehee
Zek: aku ada open hse gak malam ni. tapi dekat kj je
Zek: so aku bajet gi kat sini.
Zek: baru gi kat umah ko.
budakyangkelakar: ok cun aa tu
budakyangkelakar: lambat skit pon takpe lagi
budakyangkelakar: pintu tutup kul 12
Zek: aku bukan leh lambat sgt pun
budakyangkelakar: apesal?
budakyangkelakar: mak kau marah?
Zek: ye laa kol 12 aku kena ada rumah
budakyangkelakar: wahh
budakyangkelakar: nanti aku save log ni
Zek: aku tak paham?
budakyangkelakar: takde
budakyangkelakar: promote skit
budakyangkelakar: kau ni nampak cam anak yg baik
Zek: promote?
Zek: hahaha
budakyangkelakar: sure ramai fangirl nanti
Zek: laaaa..
Zek: lu ada ajak awek best best?
budakyangkelakar: takde
budakyangkelakar: aku ajak kote je
budakyangkelakar: foam party tapi gay nyer
Zek: (icon garu kepala tu)
budakyangkelakar: ehh jgn tak dtg lak
Zek: ok
Zek: dtg
budakyangkelakar: walaupon gay tapi diorang ok je
Zek: aku kena datang demi persahabatan kita
budakyangkelakar: gay is okay
Zek: baiklah
Zek: aku akan datang!
budakyangkelakar: cun
budakyangkelakar: that’s the way

sori for the others who weren’t invited. such short notice, so many things to do. sori sepuluh lori lagi sekali (demm that one rhymed)